Hello hello ♥️
I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while. It’s probably the hardest question to ask yourself: should I stay or should I go? This is for any relationship, whether it’s work, romantic, family, friendship, etc. In life, we always face the decision: should I stay or go? This is a gentle nudge to pause and check in with yourself. Sometimes it just takes a bit of inner work to make a decision. Have a read through this blog and ask yourself these questions below. I guarantee by the end, you’ll have your answer.
Have your phone notes handy or a journal and pen.
Identify the real issue
Growth starts with honesty. Good decisions also start with honesty. No Pinocchio shit! And definitely no excuses. Get really clear on what the issue is. What is bothering you or making you feel a certain way that has you even questioning whether this person should be in your life or not? The hardest part is becoming aware, admitting to yourself that something isn’t right. But this is step 1 — you can’t continue or make any decisions in life that will benefit you without awareness and openness. Be brave enough to name the thing that hurts.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is the thing that keeps repeating?
- Do my morals align with the hurt I’m tolerating?
- Who was I before I knew this person? Have I drifted from who I used to be?
When asking yourself these questions, it will be easy to pick out the negatives. Eventually, they’ll start flowing. The important part of this exercise is to release these thoughts without any judgement.
Understand how it makes you feel
We haven’t got time to waste. We’re jumping straight into this! A reminder that you don’t need a huge moment or big betrayal to decide whether to stay or go. Sometimes it’s when nobody has betrayed you but they no longer align with you anymore that you find yourself in this war inside your head.
From those pain points above, how does it make you feel? Anxious, emotional, numb?
How does your body react in those situations? Feeling shaky? Heart racing?
Do you feel calm, safe and respected, or like you’re walking on eggshells?
When you’re in tune with yourself, your body or your ‘gut’ tells you things before you can even comprehend it.
A personal example: I once had a professional relationship where, for some reason, anytime they texted or called me I got super anxious and I’m not an anxious person at all. My heart would race, I felt real discomfort and a crazy amount of doubt in my career. In my head, they didn’t do anything wrong, but my body rejected their presence. It wasn’t until I did these exercises that I realised how much they chipped away at my confidence — small actions, planting seeds of doubt. My body told me before I was ready to admit this person wasn’t good for me.
The clarity exercise
This is something I do often when I feel stuck, and it always brings me back to my senses.
Because sometimes you do trigger each other, you will argue and disagree, and that doesn’t always mean you should walk away.
Step 1:
Write down 5 non-negotiables for the relationship you’re questioning — whether that’s with your partner, parent, co-worker, etc.
For example: loyalty, mutual respect, good communication, encouragement, honesty, acceptance of who you are.
Step 2:
Write down the situation in one honest sentence (if there’s many, pick the one that hurts the most).
Example:
- ‘I’m in a friendship that no longer feels mutual’
- ‘I keep accepting work that doesn’t respect my worth’
- ‘My partner keeps lying to me about where he is’
Step 3:
Draw a line down the page and label the columns ‘if I stay | if I go’.
Write down the patterns you notice: past traits, how it’s been dealt with, what happens if you stay. Reflect realistically. Reflect from truth, not fantasy of what they could be if you just tweaked or changed them. Take them as they are. Use your experience. How will you continue to feel? What has staying already cost you? Then go back to your non negotiables list above. Has this been breached? Is the other person consistently breaching your values?
Ask yourself:
- What am I giving and what am I actually receiving?
- What parts of me feel lost, dimmed or small when this happens?
- Is this relationship, job or connection aligned with who I’m trying to become?
The biggest lesson from this exercise is: if every reason to stay is built on hope that they’ll change or you’ll see a completely different side to them, you’re not staying for what is – you’re staying for potential. And that’s a shitty cycle thats hard to break.
Be fair
If after doing this exercise, you realise that you’ve never actually told the other person how you feel or how they act affects you, then this is your time to do it. You can’t expect someone to meet your needs that you’ve never expressed. That’s unfair to the other person. I’m sure we’re all guilty of this. We just want them to read our minds and figure it out. It’s an uncomfortable chat, but it’s worth it.
You have to give the other person a chance because most people do listen and are happy to work on it. This will be your answer. This is where respect is shown. If they understand how you feel, even if they disagree with the issue, but can work around it to ensure your emotional safety — then it’s worth staying.
Whether they respond in the way you want or not, you’ll be able to walk away with clarity, not confusion.
Understand leaving isn’t the hardest part — staying is
We usually stay because we’re scared. Scared of being alone, scared of missing out on what could have been. Everything in life is temporary. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. The longer you stay somewhere you’ve outgrown, the more it’ll suck down the line.
Temporary pain is better than a lifetime of waiting for something that isn’t right for you. If someone’s potential is the only reason you’re staying, let that be your answer.
Final thoughts
I always say this: take people as they are. It’s easier said than done, especially when you see good in everyone. If they change, that’s a bonus, but your peace shouldn’t depend on a maybe. Listen to your body. Fights, disagreements, and fuck-ups are normal, so being there isn’t a consistent pattern.
The other person could be amazing, perfect, but just doesn’t fit into your future — and that’s okay too. You’re allowed to let it go.
Pain is part of healing, it’s normal. But staying stuck in the same place — that’ll hurt 100 times harder. The future you deserves more.
If you want more help with mindset and confidence, check out my blog on 5 Ways to Raise Self-Esteem — it’s full of practical tips to build the inner strength you need for any tough decision.
Let me know what you think of this blog in the comments below.
Love,
Discover more from Asha Rakha
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